I have been blessed with an amazing group of women in my life. Many I have never met in person and many I will probably never meet. They are all part of a “mom’s group” from my birth month with my middle child. Lately, I have seen a ton of posts about why mom’s won’t be a part of groups like that and basically tearing them apart for various reasons.
Honestly that makes me sad.
I get that they’re virtually strangers, but they aren’t really. They have become like sisters that I can turn to when I need to talk to someone but don’t want to be around people. I can vent to them when I’m having a bad day and they empathize with me, because a lot of them are exactly where I am.
They were there for me when I went through my miscarriage. I was able to talk to them about the all consuming pain in a way that was more real than talking to my friends around me. I didn’t feel like I was putting too much on anyone because they could be there to whatever degree they were comfortable with. If it became too much for them they didn’t have to comment or read, but because our group is so large I never felt alone.
As I mourned the death of a baby I would never meet other women, my virtual sisters, reached out and shared their stories with me. See, my family might not have the same experiences as me but in a group of more than 200 women some could reach out to me and speak words they only knew because they too had stood where I was standing.
A big complaint about these groups is drama. I see all the time that there is “mommy-shaming” about parenting choices. There is judging about how we put our kids in their carseats or what we choose to feed them, but that doesn’t happen in my group.
If I think back to the very beginning I’m sure it did. I mean we’re all human and we didn’t just magically create a perfect group. We have some amazing admins who make a good point of keeping the peace. In the past we have had to get some people out of the group but what is left, I love!
Nothing is perfect in life. That’s just a fact. What you need to decide is if it’s worth having and then working on it.
For me this group is adults that are ALWAYS on when I need to talk. They’re always there when I have a problem or when I’m super excited about something. Last year I was in a situation where I felt incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t want to fall asleep because I felt like my kids and I weren’t in a safe place but I couldn’t leave because my mom had driven with me and wasn’t there. So I went to my group and these amazing ladies from all over the world talked to me.
They texted me links to movies or suggested things to read and look up. All night different ladies hopped on when they could to check and see how I was and how the situation was. Had I been able to leave immediately I would have but since I had to stay I was so grateful that these ladies kept me awake and I am 100% sure that if I had fallen asleep this blog would be about much different issues.
Sure, I get it. Not all mom groups are the same and I’m lucky for the one I have, I know that! But if I had just got annoyed with petty stuff in the beginning and didn’t work with everyone I could be one of those ladies who hates those kind of groups too.
There is something special about my group. I don’t doubt for a second that it’s one of the very best mom groups out there and I’m blessed to have those ladies in my life. But even if you aren’t a member of my group you need to have your “tribe”. Everyone needs a base where they’re safe. Where nothing is off limits and you can go and just relax in your imperfections.
So this is a little piece to defend mom groups. They aren’t evil, they’re just filled with other imperfect humans just like yourself. They’re a place where at 2 am if your kid has a weird rash you can go and get reassurance their arm isn’t going to fall off. When you haven’t slept in a week and can’t think straight you can vent to them about how your husbands snoring might cause you to throat punch him. Maybe they’ll talk you out of it or maybe they’ll encourage you. It’s hard to say, because like you, they’re human.
So if you aren’t in a group, and you’ve read all the smack talk about how horrible they are because not everyone will agree with you all of the time, maybe you should know they aren’t all that bad. There is nothing better than knowing that I have a group of sisters all over the world who are there for me if I really need them, and even if I don’t.